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How to get invited back

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We were in charge of two parties last year for the new restaurant, Chuy's. Here's the mascot, Chuy the Redfish, with Gay Lyons.

We were in charge of two parties last year for the new restaurant, Chuy's. Here's the mascot, Chuy the Redfish, with Gay Lyons.

“Don’t take me off the list!” I can’t tell you how many times I hear folks say that.

As a principal in a very active public relations firm, I help plan dozens of parties and events every year for our firm and our clients. Every one of these, of course, has a guest list. When people say, “Don’t take me off the list,” they are usually saying it because they are telling us they can’t be present at a certain event, but want to be invited to the next one. Let me reassure you, you will not be taken off a guest list just because you can’t come to a single event.

But, in case you are interested, I will tell you some of the behaviors we see every time we take RSVPs — and I’ll also tell you what CAN, in fact, get you taken off the list. It revolves around good, old-fashioned business etiquette. (I want to emphasize that I am not speaking on behalf of the clients for whom we manage events. When clients provide a list of people they want to have invited — those people are the ones invited. Period. But I’m speaking in general terms — and for Moxley Carmichael events, the ones we plan for ourselves.) Here goes:

  • Please DO call or email in an RSVP. This should go without saying, but folks are getting worse and worse about not responding at all. Here’s why you need to do it. The hosts or sponsors of a party or event are paying a per-person charge for everyone who shows up. These costs range from about $20 per person up to well more than double or triple that amount. The caterers need to know an estimated number of attendees about a week in advance so they can buy the necessary food and other supplies for the event and hire the right number of servers and bartenders. When someone doesn’t RSVP, they will cause the host or the event sponsors to have to guess how many people are going to come. I can tell you from experience that the host generally will over-estimate that number. The caterer or venue will then charge them based on the number they guessed rather than the number who actually attended. So someone who doesn’t RSVP will be costing big money to the person who was kind enough to invite them in the first place. Please RSVP — even if you have to change your plans later. You can always call back and let the host know of the change.
  • We were in charge of a preview party for the new bar and restaurant in the Holiday Inn World's Fair, Windows on the Park. It's a fun place!

    We were in charge of a preview party for the new bar and restaurant in the Holiday Inn World's Fair, Windows on the Park. It's a fun place!

    Do NOT give your invitation to someone else. Unless it says otherwise, if the invitation is addressed to you, you are the one who is invited. Do not give it to your assistant or to someone else in your company or to a family member. You are on the list because the event host wanted to spend time with you - not with someone else that you happen to know. Of course, most invitations to evening events say for you to bring a guest. You are certainly welcome to do that. But don’t just pass the invitation along to someone else if you are not planning to attend.
  • Don’t take advantage of the host by bringing extra people. We do quite a few events for restaurants. At one such event last year, the invitation said to please come and enjoy free food and beverages prior to the eatery’s official opening. Guests were told they could fill a table for two or a table for four. Several folks called the RSVP line and simply informed the call taker that they were bringing more people. “They can just deal with it,” one person said when the call taker told them the tables were for two or four. That person is off our list, I can assure you!
  • This is Tom Cervone, the new general manager of the Tennessee Theatre, and his wife, Susan Creswell. We planned a welcome reception for him in the lobby of the beautiful historic theater.

    This is Tom Cervone, the new general manager of the Tennessee Theatre, and his wife, Susan Creswell. We planned a welcome reception for him in the lobby of the beautiful historic theater.

    If you don’t show up or respond to numerous invitations over a long period of time, you most likely will be removed from the invitation list at some point. The planner will assume that it is a waste of time and postage to invite you. But one or two missed events should not cause you to be dropped from the list.
  • Reciprocate. This is something most people learn in kindergarten and grade school when they are attending sleep-overs. When Johnny invites you to a sleep-over, you are supposed to invite Johnny to one at your house. It is Etiquette 101. I’ll give you an example. There is an attorney in town who was invited to the first 10 Moxley Carmichael client parties we ever had. He was not a client, but we had many mutual friends and I liked him, so we included him. And he came to our event every year for 10 years! Over those 10 years, he never invited me to a single thing. He never even asked me to coffee to exchange pleasantries. He never to my knowledge suggested to anyone that they hire us, although he used our event every year to network heavily on his own behalf. So, when it came time to draw up the ever-burgeoning list for the 11th year, we dropped him off in order to make room for new clients and folks who actually had been helpful to us. Guess what. I ran into this fellow at the elevator in a downtown building that year after the party invitations had gone out — and he confronted me! “I guess I didn’t make your list this year,” he said sarcastically. For once, I was able to think quickly enough to have a comeback. “I guess I didn’t make your list for 10 years!” I said with a (hopefully) sweet smile. (Then I decided to take the stairs!) The fact is, you can only invite a certain number of people to events. If it’s a business event, you have to make room for clients and folks you are trying to do business with. When it’s time to cut the list, the folks who have never reciprocated likely will have to go in order to make room for those who have. When you are planning — and paying for — your own events, it just makes sense.

So there. That’s just a few suggestions on how to get invited back. I hope to see everyone at many of the fun, fun events that will be happening in Knoxville in 2013. Until then, party on!

New UT Women's Basketball Coach Holly Warlick, left, was honored with a reception at the Knoxville Convention Center that we planned for sponsors, from right, Norman Majors of UT Medical Center, Patrick Birmingham of the News Sentinel, Pam Fansler of First Tennessee Bank, and Jim Haslam of Pilot Flying J.

New UT Women's Basketball Coach Holly Warlick, left, was honored with a reception at the Knoxville Convention Center that we planned for sponsors, from right, Norman Majors of UT Medical Center, Patrick Birmingham of the News Sentinel, Pam Fansler of First Tennessee Bank, and Jim Haslam of Pilot Flying J.

This groundbreaking for BHS Corrugated at Hardin Business Park was a breakfast event we planned. From left: Patrick Birmingham, Tim Burchett, Lars Engel, Congressman Duncan and Greg Wolf (Photo by Jon Gustin)

This groundbreaking for BHS Corrugated at Hardin Business Park was a breakfast event we planned. From left: Patrick Birmingham, Tim Burchett, Lars Engel, Congressman Duncan and Greg Wolf (Photo by Jon Gustin)

You wouldn't believe the noise level when 300 business leaders, politicians and journalists gather at the annual Moxley Carmichael client party!

You wouldn't believe the noise level when 300 business leaders, politicians and journalists gather at the annual Moxley Carmichael client party!

Our theme last year was the Mayan calendar predicting the end of the world. "Party like there's no tomorrow!" the invitations stated. Ha! We hired an actor from the Clarence Brown Theatre to dress as a Mayan warrior. Here he is with County Commissoiner Richard Briggs and his wife, Stephanie.

Our theme last year was the Mayan calendar predicting the end of the world. "Party like there's no tomorrow!" the invitations stated. Ha! We hired an actor from the Clarence Brown Theatre to dress as a Mayan prince. Here he is with County Commissioner Richard Briggs and his wife, Stephanie.

U.S. Congressman Jimmy Duncan chatting with News Sentinel columnist Sherri Gardner Howell at last year's Moxley Carmichael client party.

U.S. Congressman Jimmy Duncan chatting with News Sentinel columnist Sherri Gardner Howell at last year's Moxley Carmichael client party.


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